well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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