So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
