I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
