Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
