Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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