There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
