So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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