I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
