The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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