I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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