So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
