Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
