so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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