You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
