i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
