You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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