Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
