I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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