dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
