So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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