just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
