Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
