My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
