hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I forget how to act sober
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
