You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
