there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
