I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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