her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he shaved USA in his pubs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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