woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
