My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
