Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
