I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
