at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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