On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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