You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
