woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
