so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
