youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
