ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
