i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
