I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
