Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
