her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
