I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
