how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
