apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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