He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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