Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
