He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
