you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
